Perhaps the best way to answer this question is to give you my own real life example:
When I was thirteen years old, my family moved from a large city in Texas to a small town in northwest Texas. At first, I welcomed my move from the much larger school I had been attending. There, I was a small fish in a large pond. At the time I believed the move to this small West Texas town would afford me the opportunity to be a big fish in a small pond. The prospects excited me. I was ready to go!
The Shock of Finding Out What I Had Moved Into
Soon after I arrived, I learned that football was king in this little town. One of their legendary High School football coaches had died in a car accident shortly before we had arrived and I heard about this one event and how it had effected the town more than anything else. My first day of class was also my first day of football practice. I put on my pads and got out there with the rest of my new found friends. I was totally unprepared for what came next. Our coach seemed to me to be a raving maniac. I was new and did not know the drills like the rest of my team members. When I would make a mistake, the coach would start screaming at me at the top of his lungs. He came over several times, grabbed me by my jersey, threw me in the air and kicked me as if I were a football, all the while screaming and yelling at me to get my act together. Of course, had I known what act he was talking about, I would have had a better chance of getting it together. By the time I had finished my first workout, I was in shock and on the verge of tears. I did not know what had hit me. I walked home that day in emotional turmoil. I was able to hold it all in until dinner time. Shortly after my family sat down to eat, I burst into tears. Dad and Mom asked me what was wrong and I told them about my football practice experience. The question now was, “What do I do?” After a long conversation with my folks and my older brother, I decided that I would quit the team. I returned to my second day of school and as we started towards the field house, I walked up to my coach and told him that I did not want to play football any more. He told me to get in the field house – NOW!
When I Thought That It Couldn’t Get Any Worse
Once all of my teammates arrived, he had me come to the front and stand by him. He told my teammates that I was a quitter and that he did not want to see any of them associating with me ever again. In fact, he told them that if he caught them hanging out with me, they would get “busted” and he pointed to a thick board he would use on anyone who disobeyed him. I burst into tears in front of everyone in uncontrollable crying. I suddenly felt as if I was living a nightmare. My experience of this move to this small West Texas town was so different to how I thought it would be. Instead of being on top of the world and popular with my new found friends, I found myself on bottom and an outcast. In a matter of less than two days, my world had crumbled. I was told to run laps with four other “pansy’s” who did not play football.
I returned home after my second day of school, sat down for dinner and again broke out into tears. I was in even more emotional turmoil than the day before. I now had the choice of being ostracized from my friends who all were playing football or seeing if the coach would take me back, in which case I would have to put up with his abusive behavior. I finally decided, after much agonizing, to ask if I could return to the team.
I returned to my third day of school. When it came time for football practice, I asked my coach if I could return. He agreed to let me return. As punishment for quitting, he gave me an old outdated helmet that did not fit and told me I would have to earn the newer style helmets everyone else on the team wore. My dad, unbeknownst to me, had gone to my coach and had a chat. What he told him, I do not know. What I do know is that after I returned, he never kicked me or yelled at me again. I gradually adjusted to this foreign brand of football that was far too serious for me. I never came to like it; I just endured it. I eventually earned my new helmet back and became a starting player on my eighth grade team.
Experiencing the Bewildering Aftermath of This Traumatic Event
Shortly after the incident of quitting, then returning to the football team, I, along with the rest of my classmates, were assigned an oral book report in our English class. My time came to get up in front of the class and give my report. As I began, to my surprise, utter terror pulsed through me. I could hardly breath or get any sound to come out of my mouth. My heart was racing. I had no clue as to what was happening, as to why my body was shaking in terror, or what I could do to stop it. This had never happened the numerous times before I had spoken in front of a group. I mustered all of my strength to keep myself from bursting into tears, stammered through the report, hoping to God that no one noticed the horror show playing inside of me, and quickly sat down.
I was bewildered and worried. A dark cloud of dread hung over me. Would this now be my experience every time I got up in front of a group to speak? The thought was almost more than I could bare. I did not dare tell anyone about this, young or old. I figured if I told anyone what was happening that they would think I was crazy. My traumatic reaction that I experienced giving my report in front of the class seemed to come out of nowhere. At the time, in no way, shape or form did I see a connection of what had happened just days before when I quit the team and the overwhelming anxiety that I experienced while giving my book report. Many years later, I realized that this event marked the beginning of the pattern of anxiety that had been with me since I was thirteen and on into adulthood.
Are You Wanting Help to Recover From Anxiety?
If you are experiencing anxiety, chances are that pattern, like mine, had a starting point. Knowing the origins of that pattern of anxiety can help a person bring greater understanding to themselves. Knowing what you are working with and how it got there can be constructive first steps in bringing calm to any anxious feelings you might be experiencing.
An experienced anxiety treatment counselor like myself can assist you in bringing healing to any past traumatic event you experienced that may have set in motion a pattern of anxiety. I’d be happy to assist you through that process of healing, and much more, through anxiety treatment. Please contact me to learn more about how I can help.